


The Demon Within

by yvochrali



Series: The Retoldverse [7]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Blood and Violence, F/M, Nightmares, POV Spike (BtVS), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26060803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yvochrali/pseuds/yvochrali
Summary: Spike continues to battle the darkness within his soul and mind as he is faced with the memory of the trail of bodies he left behind in his wake. Part 7 of the Retoldverse. Set in Season 3. Mentions S/A.
Relationships: Anya Jenkins/Spike
Series: The Retoldverse [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891282
Kudos: 1





	The Demon Within

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffyverse, if I did, I'd do a crossover with Bones, 'cuz why the heck not?
> 
> Bones: This is absurd! There is no evidence whatsoever proving that supernatural creatures exist, or have ever existed! Only a fool would believe so.
> 
> Oh, Bones, how I love you, but unforunately, you're in my world now, and here the rules of physics, science and everything in general are completely different. I mean, how else would a "small" town mysteriously grow bigger every time we see it?
> 
> Bones: (Coldly) I'll come to my own conclusions once you present me the evidence that I require to make a proper assessment.
> 
> (Stutters uselessly) I-I-I-hey! How'd you get here anyway?! (Hastily changes subject)
> 
> Bones: (Deadpan) I opened a door.
> 
> ...Door?
> 
> Bones: (Still deadpan) Yes. It's quite uncomplicated to do so.
> 
> (Looks frantically around the room for a door. She finds none.)
> 
> (Slowly blinks, staring at everything as though she'd never seen anything in her life before.) I think I'm beginning to question my life.
> 
> Bones: That's actually the smartest conclusion you have come too so far. Recent studies have proven that...

**The Demon Within**

Everything was covered in blood.

The floors were running with it, calmly swooshing against Spike's legs as if to mock him. _We're here. You can't get rid of us._

Spike could only stare in speechless horror as it rose to his knees, the horrid smell overwhelming his senses, reminding him...reminding him...

... _of the screams._ Oh, the screams. People screaming. Women, men, children...all _screaming_. Because of him. Because of _what_ he was, and _what_ he'd always be. He'd watched...participated. He remembered the glee, the thrill at human terror as he drank greedily from torn, bloody necks.

Suddenly, he felt something... _someone_...latch onto his leg. He let out a cry, looking down to see what it was. He almost threw up right there and then when he saw... _a human hand_. It had no body attached to it. Spike frantically shook it off, but it was persistent, digging its filthy nails into his leg.

" _Get off me!_ " He yelled; tears stung at his eyes, and he felt shame bubbling up inside of him. _I'm sorry...I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it, I swear!_ A lie.

Unwanted images flashed in his mind.

_Darla laughing cruelly as she tied him to the bed, dragging her nails down his naked chest, leaving bloody trails behind on his cold skin. "Come now, William, don't be like that, you had fun today, didn't you, dear boy? This shouldn't be so hard. It's just a game, you'll see."_

_Drusilla. Practically skipping across the slew of dead bodies, humming erratically. "Isn't this fun, my dear William? Miss Edith said it'll be fun and she was right!" She stroked the dolls face lovingly. "Clever Miss Edith." She cooed._

Fun. The word repeated itself in his mind. "Fun." He muttered, the word tasting bitter in his mouth. Suddenly remembering what had violated his being just a few moments earlier, he looked down quickly; if he'd had a heart, it would be thudding against his chest.

The disembodied hand had mysteriously disappeared. Instead, the cave was shrouded in darkness, the blood now up to his waist. Spike felt his panic increase and he began to wade through the blood, but in whichever direction he went, it felt like he was standing right in the same place as before. _How..?_

"This is just a dream. Just a dream...Not real, not real, not real." He whispered harshly to himself, sounding very much insane. "Buck up, man! _Don't be a bloody pansy!_ " He roared, frustrated, his voice rising and echoing off the cave walls. He cursed himself as his voice came out high and panicky.

Silence.

This didn't soothe him. Not one bit. The silence was eerie and screamed loneliness and isolation; two things Spike hated more than Darla, the ruthless and cunning vampiress who had tortured and turned the poor, insane, Drusilla.

It was as if the cave sensed his fears, and used them against him, gripping him; making him _weak_. Another thing Spike hated more than Darla, which was a feat in itself.

_For all I know, this isn't a dream. Someone could be doing this to me. Fuck! This is what happens to those who hang around the bloody Scooby Gang. I should have listened to Willy; the slimy coward may be as slippery as a snake, but he has some sense in him._

One thing was certain; he was not going down without a fight.

" _You think you can defeat me?!_ " He challenged, spreading his arms apart. He turned around. "Come on, you _useless_ wanker! This the _best_ you can do?" He waited with bated breath. He started to become irritated. "Fight _me_ like a _man_! Come on! Show yourself, you _fucking_ coward!" He waited. Nothing.

Growling, he began to once again wade through the blood. It had to lead somewhere. Anywhere was good enough for him, if it got him out of this hellhole.

He kept on walking. The blood started to rise again, slowly but surely. He persisted; it was getting harder to move his legs. _Come on, man! Keep at it!_

 _I don't want to die! Not here, alone, weak..._ He shuddered. Blood rose to his chest, then his chin, choking him. The silence seemed to be mocking him, willing him to die so that the earth could be rid of another foul, tainted creature.

Besides, Anya needed someone she could count on...not a monster like him. His chest constricted painfully at the thought of the blunt, tactless vengeance demon, who could come out with the most absurd things at the most inappropriate of times. No social skills whatsoever; just like him.

And he loved her even more for it. She was his; nobody could say otherwise.

It had been well over a century since he had been human, but a part of him was still William. Even when he had bathed in the blood of men, had he still been able to love; and love he did. So passionate that it could consume him entirely, which was often the cause of the mass destruction he had left in his wake.

And now it had come back to haunt him. He didn't need to be asleep for his demons to appear. They were with him everywhere he went, whispering in his ears, taunting him. He knew that he deserved it, but that didn't make him like it.

Redemption was one mean son of a bitch.

For all he knew, it wasn't a dream and that he was going to die. If Vampires didn't feed for months, they would slowly starve to death, it's body crackling and pealing until it finally disintegrated into dust. It was a long and agonizing process that all Vampires avoided at all costs.

He tried to suck in air and holding his breath, but he was unable to move his hands to cover his nose. Blood streamed in, and while he was able to still breath, the pressure was painful. _Oh God, I'm so sorry, Anya. I'm so sorry. Forgive me for being such a monster._

He closed his eyes...

...and woke up.

**Finite**

**Author's Note:**

> That was intense. I could literally feel my heart beating like those drums that our neighbours down south (and I mean, really, really south!) seem to like so much...The Djembe. Any drums really.
> 
> I liked the ending. I mean, I never knew I could even write like that! People have been sending me some really encouraging and positive reviews, so I guess I'm just becoming more confident in my writing skills. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart; thank you.
> 
> Bones: According to certain studies, while social pressure can have negative consquences, praise, which is also a form of social pressure in it's own right, usually has extraordinarly positive effects on the human psyche.
> 
> Stares I think I like you.
> 
> Bones: Thank you for being straightforward with me. Your comment is appreciated. I-I feel like I'm starting to enjoy your company as well. (Totally awkward)
> 
> Wow, um, thank you. (Stagewhispers to audience) She likes me?!
> 
> Cordelia: (Appears out of mid-air) I can't honestly imagine why. (Casually looks at her nails)
> 
> Gee, thanks Cor, your honestly is appreciated on the highest level.
> 
> (Privately) How is it that these people are just appearing in my room?! (Behind her, Bones unknowningly passes out due to shock.)
> 
> Dawn: (Pops in) Ooo, I wanna! I wanna! (Everyone stares) R&R everyone and do not forget to follow and favourite the story! More will be coming. (Suspciously eyes Author) Speaking of more, why haven't you updated my story?! I want to annoy Buffy! (Whines)
> 
> I updated your story two days ago!
> 
> Dawn: Yeah, well, update it again!
> 
> No!
> 
> Dawn: Yes!
> 
> NO!
> 
> (Bickering continues even after Cordelia stops rolling the camera.)


End file.
